Umbrella.

Does everything have to be a joke?



Ask me if I'm a grape.

It's Groundhog Day.

I woke up this morning and found out via the internerd that the new Britney Spears album is coming out. Battling it for the number one position will be the new Backstreet Boys album. Let us not forget the new Spice Girls single! What year is this?!?!?!?

I am heading downtown to Tower Records on Newbury and Mass Ave tonight at midnight and I'm going to buy the new Britney and Backstreet on CD and cassette (so I can play them in my car-Ford Festiva). Oh, and I'm buying the Spice Girls cassingle. In the morning I'll wake up and - do - the - exact - same - thing.

In somewhat (un)related news, Punxsatawney Phil has his own friggin' website. Hit him up on Myspace, he has 39 friends. Not bad, FOR A GROUNDHOG!

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Hey Ho Lets Go?

I watched The Ramones - Raw over the weekend. I had DVRed it off of VH1 classic about a month ago. It was a pretty standard life on the road snapshot interspersed with live footage. What struck me was how uncomfortable Joey Ramone appeared to be in his own skin. He was probably the most awkward creature I have ever seen on film. Don't get me wrong, I love the Ramones and can appreciate what they did for Punk™ (now with a capital P). I am just making a non-medical, post mortem observation: I think something was genuinely wrong with Joey Ramone. I don't know if he had an extra chromosome, or he had that giants disease or what?!?! I just know something was very odd about him to the point that, throughout the whole show, I felt really bad for him.

I know everybody already has every Ramones song ever made, so here is something that, to my knowledge has never been issued on CD or Itunes; 7" single only baby!

Joey Ramone and Holly Beth Vincent - I Got You Babe

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Alright stop, collaborate and listen...

We take everything for granted. I don't want to get on my soapbox and tell everyone how thankful they should be for electricity, cable, cars, jobs, money, food, etc. That's obvious (or "OBVS" if your an internerd). Instead I present you with the Top 5 Unsung Luxuries of the Civilized World. Relish in the thought that without these simple truths the civilized world would be anarchy; an ubearable place to live.

Top 5 Unsung Luxuries of the Civilized World

1. The ability to stand in line - From an early age we are groomed to stand in line and wait our turn. We'll get what's coming to us. Let's face it, without this your AM trip to the local 7-11 or Starbucks would be like an ambushed Somali food convoy.



2. A good nights sleep - Without a good nights sleep people become irritable. Irritability leads to anger, anger leads to violence, and violence leads to the darkside (Credit: the Yoda in me). Why is a good nights sleep indigenous to the civilized world, you ask? Air Conditioning/heat - I know, this goes along with electricity, which I said I wouldn't mention, but have you ever tried to sleep when it's +100 degrees or -30. It sucks. Not to mention animal attacks and rival tribesmen with machetes. We sleep pretty easy.



3. Closets (and more recently plastic storage bins) - Without closets our stuff would be everywhere. It is difficult to imagine ample closet space in adobes and straw huts. A more recent development in the "stop stuff from being everywhere war" is the plastic storage bin. Instead of hoarding boxes to put stuff in you can buy plastic bins to "store more efficiently". You can even purchase color coded bins - red and green for christmas, black and orange for halloween. I wonder what effect the production of all these plastic bins are having on our environment; no I don't.
   
   
4. Holidays/days off - Plain and simple, if your job is working the fields, hunting to feed the family, gathering firewood so you don't freeze to death, or defending your piece of the jungle from attack you are not all that ticked that you have to work on Columbus Day. As a matter of fact, you're working on Christmas and Thanksgiving, too.
   
   
5. R Kelly's Wit and Wisdom - Nuff said.
   
   The Dream featuring R Kelly - Shawty is the Sh*t
   
   Rick Ross featuring R Kelly - I'm Speedin'

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Zoinks!

I just watched the VH1 Hip Hop Honors. Here are the major discussion points:

1. Never has a human looked more like a real life Scooby Doo than Tracy Morgan.
2. Whodini pretty much ruled the night. People enjoyed their set more than any other (myself included). The 80s dance off at the end of the set clinched their place as highlight of the show.
3. Kool Moe Dee got fat.
4. Missi Elliot songs exist in a timeless vacuum. They sound so unlike anything else that they could be from the 80s or the 2050s.
5. Andre Harrell looked like a Jerry Lewis Nutty Professor clone.
6. I thought Skateboard P was a stupid rap name for Pharrell, but after seeing him on this show rocking the pleather backpack, it somehow strangely fits.
7. Busta Rhymes is a lunatic. Everybody rocks out to him because they don't want him to eat there still-beating heart and make a matching hat/hoodie combo out of their skin.
8. Wildstyle. Eh...
9. "Rumpshaker" and "No Diggity" might be two of the greatest songs ever. If we could share these with Al Qaeda, peace would be a reality. Like a modern day "Kumbaya".
10. With a couple of notable exceptions, A Tribe Called Quest really weren't in the same league as the rest of the inductees (I fast forwarded through the entire performance).

I am hip hop.

Wreckx n Effect-Rumpshaker

Blackstreet featuring Dr Dre-No Diggity

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Internet = Revenge of the Nerds 2.0

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Same.

Dave Grohl, veteran Foo Fighter (pictured here, presumably on the set of My Name is Earl), is an amazingly talented songwriter. He has managed to write the EXACT SAME song 80+ times (according to my Ipod), and he has done it extremely well. With the exception of the hits ("This is a Call", "MonkeyWrench", "My Hero", "Big Me" which stand apart primarily as a result of clever videos), I could not tell you which album any of the songs came from. They all blend together seemlessly to create a body of work that is as cool as kelvin, but very difficult to differentiate from one slow bulding screamer to the next. The live show rocks, he has a "fun" public persona, and the songs are all sort of... well... same-ish. But in a good way.

He can even Foo Fighterize the McCartney out of The Wings.

Foo Fighters-Band on the Run (from the Comp Radio 1 Est. 1967 available sometime after now)

In fact, Dave Grohl is number 3 on my list of people I wish had Jerry Springer/Oprah style talk shows. Right after OJ.

1. Charles Manson
2. OJ Simpson
3. Dave Grohl

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I'll have the roast duck with the mango salsa...

Watched the premiere of the "Cavemen" show. I want to like it. I really, really want to like it. I wish Larry David was the writer. I want more.

Britney Spears feat. Lil' Wayne - Gimme More (Dirty Pop Remix)

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Sometimes they're right.

Those dorks on treadmills have nothing on the Bat for Lashes chick.

I didn't want to like it, but the Bat for Lashes album pretty much rules. I still don't get Feist, Klaxons, post-real-song Radiohead, Wombats, Animal Collective, Rufus Wainwright, Nelly McKay, Iron & Wine, !!!, and Deerhoof; just to name a few. It was necessary to say that to prove that I'm not receiving 7.2 million dollars from record moguls to plug Bat for Lashes' "Fur and Gold", thusly starting a whole new payola scandal that could threaten the record industry as we know it.

My only criticism: Bat for Lashes?!?!?!? Of all the band names... I wish we could go back to the days when band names meant something, like the Dead Milkmen or the Hoodoo Gurus or Sandy Duncans Eye or Duran Duran or the Geto Boys. Now those are some names that really make you think and bring some power to the music they are creating.

Bat for Lashes - What's a Girl To Do

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